It.

A man I once knew once said that ‘it’ was kind of like a gift.. One that keeps.. on .. giving. Because it’s most likely something that will stay with you for as long as you are living..

That’s what it has taught me.

It taught me not to waste too much time in the past, looking back. But instead to hold dear and to value more the things that are very much still here.It’s taught me what fear really is, that regret isn’t really a thing..

I’d rather focus on today, on this very moment, with my wife and 2 kids and to look forward, to look beyond the blur and to see what tomorrow might bring. That’s what it has taught me.

It’s taught me to see things more clearly and to take stock of my life..Not to keep hanging on to what is long gone. It’s taught me that the ‘bigger, the better, more finer things in life’, are not, in any way, what really.. really matters. That’s what it has taught me

It taught me that there’s no such thing as wealth, that the only real thing of any value in this life one’s good health. That all the money, privilege, fame or fortune are no match for this levelling affliction. That’s what it has taught me.

It taught me that relationships, people, family and friends are the only things to value in one’s existence on this earth. It’s taught me the meaning of frustration.. To get over myself, …to crack on and not to spend too much time wallowing in my own self pity

Just because of my irreversible physical condition. Doesn’t mean I should give up on life, myself or my mission?

It’s taught me how to bide my time, to not always be so impatient.. To rest when i’m down but to fight when I rise.. To face up to my reality, look it straight in the eye. That’s what it has taught me

You see, the moment you are diagnosed.. When the life you had then, lies in tatters, unravelled on the ground .. You begin a new journey, the one you hadn’t planned or could ever have imagined. .. On a road less travelled, but still… onwards and upwards.

Yeah.. Some days It will steal away your thunder.. It will knock you off your feet.. Why us? Why me? This curse, this fucking god awful disease?

And, of course , you’ll click and compare, see your struggle in others.. But please, I dare you to look beyond the shakes, hold your curious gaze for just a little longer .. Behind the disco dancing and abundance of sad, motionless unhappy looking faces you’ll see how they cope in their own way and try to embrace it, make do — it is life in slow motion

Some see it as one big challenge.. to carry on fighting ..keep moving, keep on living.. That’s what it has taught me.

It’s taught me that one day in the future, maybe months, but probably years you will learn to accept it for what it really is — not a glass half empty or full — just a bucket full of piss — that’s what it really is.

Somedays I feel like l have said all that I have to say about it, tweeted, blogged, videod and sometimes been misread.. I have attended conference after conference, taken the free pens, goody bags, stayed in fancy hotels, been around the world — put it on the expenses, sat proudly on my pedestal, made to feel like a prince (but just for one day) as I presented my illness.

Yep it felt great, the adrenaline and the dopamine hit — i had an audience, labelled as inspirational, a leader — believing the hype — god i am so gonna make a difference.

On the surface it felt like the whole world could and would hear me, like what I said or wrote was always gonna be noted. But like life itself and as experience comes you should always give or make way for the young. New ideas and life experiences, new faces and a seemingly fresh perspective will inevitably come and those of the past be documented, valued but gradually forgotten — but that is ok, so accept it.

It has taught me that my family and friends, a good night’s sleep (if you can get it), those bloody pills and music everyday are all I will ever need.

It has taught me what advocacy is and most certainly isn’t and that my illness still remains uncured and very much progressive.

A man I once knew once said that ‘it’ was kind of like a gift.. One that keeps.. on .. giving.. Because it’s most likely something that will stay with you for as long as you are living..

And even though a decade of living with it, a constant weight on my shoulders, has passed, I am still very much here and for that I am grateful.. that tomorrow is infact the gift, to see the sunrise with my wife by my side and to watch the sunset with my kids.

That is what having Parkinson’s has taught me.

DS